I really did receive that exact text message one evening from my friend on the way to a dance social.  The funny thing is, I actually checked my purse because I thought I just might have some in there.

No,sorry...Listerine and Chanel No.5 ;-), I texted back.

You have to understand this is new for me.  I was never the girly-girl who carries everything she needs to put herself together in a bag, but I do pack a mean picnic basket.  Granted, I like nice things and I put myself together well in the morning, but I used to melt and fade throughout the day until it was time to leave the office and head to the barn. My bag was where I kept credit cards, a passport, business cards, keys.  Not even cash.  I was lucky to have lipgloss with me. These days, or half of these days, I now head to a dance class or a social to practice dancing instead of heading to the barn.  That has forced me to rethink the contents of my bag. I do, after all, want people to actually dance with me.  It didn’t take me too long to figure it out…I carry a bigger bag now.  There are also two pairs of dance shoes in each car, a roll of gaffer’s tape and a pair of scissors, just in case the floor is bad or someone forgets their dance shoes. It reminds me of the bag my son carried his soccer kit in when he played; it’s my dance kit. My daughter saw my cute little Listerine sprayer and what she thinks is an even cuter Chanel bottle, so she carries those in her bag now, too.  It has become how we both roll; she learned it from me!

The picture of my bag popped into my head when Pam and Connie at HEALS told me about one of the things HEALS does for families that participate in their program.  She explained that many of these families don’t keep Tylenol or Advil in a house first aid kit for fever, and many wouldn’t know how to administer it correctly if they did. When your budget is so very tight, one doesn’t buy things that aren’t for immediate use, so that’s why many kids end up at the emergency room when all they need is something to lower a fever.  One thing HEALS does is to help get families to a place where they have these basic health items at home and teaches them how to use it.  This one little thing can have a big trickle down affect.

It was hard for me to imagine not having something as simple as Tylenol at home for “just in case”, but after we talked about how that happens, I started to see how HEALS, by making something very simple accessible, can change the outlook for a generation of kids.  They’ll grow up with a basic change in their home, and they will bring that knowledge with them to their own homes as adults.

If you haven’t yet made a donation to HEALS, I ask you to consider doing that today.  Whether you support me or one of the other dance competitors, all the donations to HEALS helps make big changes in these kids’ lives.

And Bob, there IS a razor in that kit…

Question: What’s in your kit? Share your answer on permalink]” target=”_blank”>Facebook, or Twitter

When I was much younger, I took many (oh so many) French lessons, and though I learned a lot in class, the real learning was having to make my way as an exchange student through the streets of Quebec, France, and then Belgium; to survive I had to interact with so many people, a few minutes at a time, on a daily basis. I didn’t just learn to speak French; I learned to live in French.  Likewise, there are dance classes, and you do learn the techniques of how to dance there, but a lot of learning happens later outside of class on a social dance floor. Each song is a three minute class with a new instructor. The subject may be dance, but it might also be culture, music, or anything else two human beings might have reason to share as they move in time and space together.

One of my three minute instructors teaches me to practice what I’ve learned in my classes, not to throw it all away when the social music starts. Those techniques allow him to more easily take me through multiple turns and make every movement a lot smoother and whole lot easier for me to execute. Dancing isn’t the only thing I do this with, I can use this lesson elsewhere. Thanks for your patience and attentiveness with me, John.  Next Song

From my next three minute class I learn just how quiet and gentle a lead can be and yet still be crystal clear over the din, the commotion, and the movement around us on the dance floor. Each time we dance, I have learned a little more and he adeptly and smoothly leads me through progressively more involved movements. Through dancing with him each week, I experience the proof of my progress and it makes me grin. I always love dancing with you, Jonathan. Thank you. Next Song

I learn to look directly at my partner and really see him, to smile at him because he is always smiling at me. Because he makes me look, I see his hand ready for the next move. This also helps me remember I need to spot more often with all of my partners. Thank you, Marquiz, you make this so much fun. Next Song

I sit down to catch my breath and I watch the photographer. I need to remember to look up, to smile, and to buy more stock in Gillette. Thanks, Bob. Next Song

Syncopation? Move what how and when? Oh, I get it, now. Thanks, RT. Next Song

I had no clue that I loved Bachata until he told me I had to listen to the words. Ah, yes, there are words to these songs. The words combined with the music will almost dictate the movement if both partners are truly listening. Now it’s my favorite and I listen to all of the words, spoken and unspoken. Thank you, Karlos.  Another song…

And there is more. There are all the places from where the people come, why they are here, where they are going, what they like to do, what they dream of doing, and why they dance. It never stops… three minutes at a time. I have begun to think of my days in three minute intervals of interactions with so many people; by paying attention, by listening, I understand that everyone, without exception, has something to teach me.

It is an immense universe and I am attentively learning about it in an endless curriculum, three minutes at a time… dancing the bachata of life.  Next Song

Question: What have you learned lately and did the lesson come from an unexpected source? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter

So many things in our lives have little rituals associated with them. These rituals give us a bit of time from our busyness to think. Our dances have rituals that I just realized recently. When the dancers arrive, these are the ones who are pursuing the dance, they come with their bags, the bags with the dance shoes.

There are street shoes and there are dance shoes, and when you arrive to dance, you sit on the bench or chair on the edge of the dance floor, open the strings that hold the magic in and you change your shoes. It’s not just the ladies, the men bring their dance shoes too. These are the suede-soled shoes that free us from the friction that would hold us back, that let us turn and spin to see the world around us full circle, that help us glide into the position that suits us. I’ve started thinking of this little ritual as my UnCinderella moment; I put on the shoe that I know fits me perfectly.

Cinderella is an Italian folktale from 17th century Napoli, a tale of unjust oppression. The name Cinderella has come to symbolize one whose attributes were unrecognized, or who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect. The Aarne-Thompson tale type index classifies Cinderella as “the persecuted heroine”. Those shoes don’t fit me and I wouldn’t want them to fit anyone. I much prefer my UnCinderella. She doesn’t wait for a prince to save her, she doesn’t rely on others to help her recognize who she can be. In our story she puts on her dance shoes herself and becomes exactly who she wants to be, which is exactly who she is. I think UnCinderella is a great tale to tell to all of our little girls.

Question: Do you have a ritual that makes you think? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter

There’s a new pair in town.
Wednesday night I met my competition dance partner, Chris Dawson, for our first practice. I had met Chris and danced with him once before at a Salsa social, but putting together a performance will be quite different from social dancing. Over the next few months, Chris will be teaching me the moves and putting them together into a choreographed performance. So if you are visiting Madison Ballroom, you might just notice this new pair on the dance floor! Speaking of new pairs, this is an excellent segue to introduce the Heels for HEALS program.

In 2005, a HEALS, Inc. staff member noticed many of the children wearing shoes too small, too large, or in such poor condition they were unfit to wear to school. Upon her concern, HEALS worked hard to create this beneficial and rewarding program for their patients. Now, not only does HEALS provide children with a free and caring medical home, they give away a brand new pair of athletic shoes to every child that visits the clinics for their yearly well-child checkup.

It’s easy to take things like a pair of shoes for granted. When I signed up for this dance gig, the first thing I did was buy a pair of dance shoes. In 2001 when I mistakenly signed up for, trained for, and ran a marathon, I bought a pair of running shoes. For me, wearing correct foot gear for an activity, shoes that fit correctly, has always been important and it is something I can afford to do: I have only one pair of feet, I don’t get a new pair of those, and they have to last and support me through a long and active life. It’s not something I put a lot of thought into, it is something I just do.

It wasn’t until I visited the HEALS headquarters that I really understood the difficulties some of these kids go through. Pam and Connie brought out a pair of shoes that a child visiting a HEALS clinic was wearing to her annual checkup. I sat there looking at what used to be a pair of shoes and tried to imagine having to go to school everyday wearing them. I thought back to times when my kids laughed about their favorite pair of soccer cleats that we taped up with duct tape because they liked them so much and didn’t want to give them up. We could afford cleats. We could afford a new pair of cleats. We could afford duct tape. The shoes I was looking at told a very different story: a young life with seemingly few choices.

I looked at those shoes and imagined walking into school on a cold day. I imagined walking into school on a wet day, and what it would be like to sit in a classroom with wet feet all day after that. I imagined how other kids might treat me with those shoes on, what they might say to me, what they might not say to me. I wore those shoes in my head for two days and it really changed how I thought about things. Though it might be easy for some of us to take such items for granted, I understand that we must never underestimate the power of something in someone’s life like new shoes that fit, and the HEALS staff points out that in this case it’s not just about the shoes!

Beyond the bright smile and boost in confidence a new pair of shoes presents to these kids, “Heels for HEALS” also serves as a much-needed incentive for the parents to bring their children to this important yearly visit at the HEALS clinics. The program enhances the relationship between HEALS and the family, instills a feeling of trust, and serves as a reminder for parents and children of the value of good health and hygiene.

To find out more about Heels for HEALS, visit their webpage.

By the way, today is my birthday and I can think of no better gift you could give than making a donation to HEALS!.

Thanks ahead for making a difference and sharing this message with others on Facebook, or Twitter

In my first lessons I learned from my instructor that it’s pretty typical for a new female dancer to try to anticipate what the lead wants; well, I can assure you I was doing my fair share of anticipating, if that’s what it’s called. After a few lessons, though, I really started to enjoy letting go of the responsibility of leading: not having to choose the next moves, not having to plan and prepare for the next move, not having to communicate that to anyone as those are someone else’s role now. My job is to keep up the basic step and wait for signals to do something else. To make it even better, the instructors remind us often that when things go wrong, it’s the leader’s fault.

In classes, we switch partners often and learn that every leader and every follower is different. When dancing socially, it becomes even more diverse since the leaders and followers are coming from different schools, different instructors, different experiences. My goal is to be such a great follower that the best leaders want to dance with me because the best leaders are fun to dance with PLUS they understand it’s their job to make their partner look fantastic. So what makes a good leader? I think the answer is the same in dance as it is in business:

Clear Direction

The best leaders give clear direction. The thing that can stop the salsa mid-step is one hand telling you to turn left and the other hand telling you to turn right. What? Huh? Which way do you want me to go? Even more frustrating is the hand that indicates I’m going to ask you to turn, but then it doesn’t tell you which way. You have three choices, left, right, and don’t turn, just keep stepping. That’s fine, but when you as a follower pick one (you only have half a beat to decide) and your leader shows a look of disappointment you start to wonder what you did wrong. Why didn’t I know what to do? Poor leadership. When the direction is clear, you turn and are ready for the next move, both of you smiling and both looking great.

Same Step

Salsa, cha-cha, bachata, merengue? The music usually tells us which dance we are performing; the leader and the follower better be dancing the same step or nothing will work. If your intent is to dance salsa and your partner thinks they are dancing cha-cha, one is going to feel rushed through a turn, trying to fit those extra little cha-cha steps in before; the other will feel like the partner is behind, “what’s taking you so damn long to turn, and where are your feet?” Even within the dance, choosing the step with the beat is important. On 1 or on 2? Unmatched, that would be a toe stomping nightmare. We may have different reasons, different goals for being on the dance floor, but it’s important that leader and follower are at least dancing the same dance, dancing and working to the beat of the same drummer.

Adjusting to Your Partner

Some of us are short, some of us are tall and there are a lot of settings in between. Some of us have short legs and some have long, we will take different size steps. The leader holds his hands at the follower’s waist level. It’s hard to follow when the directions are not coming in where they should and there are mechanical reasons why my arms need to be there. As a follower, I need to keep my arms in a specific frame, keeping the communication lines well-connected, listening. If the leader wants me to follow, he needs to communicate his intentions on my communication lines which are located at my level, not his. He has to adjust.

Taking Responsibility

The dance leader must take responsibility for their partner. I’m waiting for direction, listening my best for what to do next. My intention is to do a good job, and I’ll do the best I can with the information I’m given. I may have less experience than my partner and he has to determine what I’m capable of. If he tries a complicated move and I can’t follow it, he shouldn’t just try it again. Since I want to learn, I usually ask him “can we do that again so you can teach me how?” In the absence of that, he should keep going and try something more within the range of movements his partner can do. When the leader gives sloppy messages, I don’t appreciate it if he makes a face at me for not following, he needs to acknowledge that the message wasn’t clear to his partner, even if has been clear to others in the past. Be clearer, be better for this partner. I’m your team now and I want to do a good job. Help me do that.

My biggest takeaway is that it’s really fun to dance with a good leader and it can be a painful chore to dance with a poor one. People want to follow a good leader. I want the good dance leaders to ask me to dance because I know I can do my best with their direction; I feel confident about my movements and it makes me look good on the dance floor.

I go back to work after a weekend of dancing knowing that if my team isn’t working right, it’s my responsibility to improve communication and give better direction; that with a new team, I may have to give the same message in an even clearer way than with a previous team; that I need to challenge my team to the extent of their current capabilities and help them to grow without berating them for trying and not succeeding the first time with something new. Most importantly, I need to let them know that when the cha-cha ends that we’re going to tango and make sure the music is turned up enough for us all to hear the beat.

Question: What do leaders do that make it fun and easy for you to follow? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter

‘On with the dance; let joy be unconfined’ is my motto, whether there’s any dance to dance or any joy to unconfine. —Mark Twain, Colonel Mulberry Sellers

There are so many people who insist that they don’t dance or can’t dance but it is never difficult to fill a wedding reception dance floor. I have read several articles recently citing studies showing numerous health benefits of dancing, both physical and mental. I have recently begun taking dance lessons (salsa!) and am really enjoying the instruction, the dance, the health benefits, and the opportunity to literally connect with people. If you are one of the few people who actually need a reason to dance, I’ve written about my top four.

1. Mental

Dancing is one of the best activities for improving mental capabilities. Several recent published studies, including Dr. Joe Verghese’s article on Leisure Activities and the Risk of Dementia, show that dancing can help decrease the risk of developing dementia. The unique combination of both physical and mental exercise, inherently involving social communication and several cognitive functions make it one of the top activities to maintain brain health. The physical aspect is associated with increased blood flow to the brain which stimulates brain growth and new connections in the brain. Mental benefits observed in aging patients who dance regularly include decreased reaction times, increased motor performance, greater attention, and improved cognition.

2. Physical

What more could you want from an exercise: dance helps to develop and improve muscle control, coordination, kinesthetic awareness, cardiovascular conditioning, flexibility, strength, endurance, posture, and balance.

3. Social

I’ve never met so many people so quickly as on the dance floor. You are absolutely forced to mingle. You have about three minutes to introduce yourself, meet your partner, and then the next song starts and you get a new partner. How many times have you limited your social interactions at a meet and greet because you just talked to the people you already knew. With the added focus on what your feet are doing, the conversation pressure is much lower making it much easier to make new friends.

4. It’s Fun

I know a lot people will argue and say they don’t like to dance. However, when the band stops playing at a wedding, I usually hear complaints about having to stop and if the band kept playing, the dance floor would most definitely stay full. Tell me, how many times have you worked out for three hours at the health club and then complained that management turned the lights off at midnight so you couldn’t run on the treadmill for another two hours? Face it, once you let your inhibitions go and you get on the dance floor, it is fun.

I have one more great reason for dancing, but I can’t share that yet. I’ll be writing about it in early May, so stay tuned for that exciting announcement.

Question: When was the last time you danced? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter

But I learned how to turn that energy around and use it, and it really turned me around as well. I learned to write up on the board each of the reasons they threw at me for things not working, all of the obstacles. Then when we had a good list of 6 or 8, I would go one by one and ask everyone how we could get around the obstacle, remove the obstacle, or just avoid it all together. It was amazing what would happen once a tangible obstacle was put in front of this group of engineers. Their creativity and innovation cells started generating new ideas, and before long we not only had a big idea, we had an excellent plan of how to get it implemented.

1. Schedule a meeting and invite your team.

So you have this great idea but you haven’t done anything with it or you just don’t know where to go with it or how to start. Who are the experts on your team? What expertise and experience can your associates bring to the table? Create a vision statement or describe your idea in a sentence or two. A vision without a plan of action is just a pipe dream.

2. Conduct a brainstorming session.

Present your vision to the group and solicit feedback. You may pick up some great expansions to your idea or new directions you can take it. Great! But when the “you can’t do that” crowd starts to talk, listen and write it down. Obstacles become the fuel for innovation.

3. Capture the problems first.

Don’t try to solve them as they come in, use the energy to get through the list or you’ll get stuck. Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to talk through each one of these. The most diligent problem creators are often the best problem solvers.

4. Tackle each problem like it’s the only one.

Go one by one through each obstacle and brainstorm ways to solve that one issue. Innovation transforms vision into reality.

5. Turn your solutions into an action list.

Now go through your lists of solutions. For each of your obstacles for which you’ve come up with a list of ways to solve the issues, come up with the first step, the action that can be performed now to get started. Make sure you have a person and deadline or check-in date assigned to each one. If the team leaves still thinking about the problems, they won’t believe in the idea.

So now I go into each brainstorming session looking for trouble, because that trouble is just what I need to make the big idea bigger and make it happen. Those obstacles have made me think bigger and plan better bringing more of my ideas into the realm of reality than any other thing I’ve tried.

Question: Do you have a vision that needs an action plan? When will you brainstorm this and who will help you? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter

Image source: Brainstorm Bureau by Flikr user Viola Renate used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 license

We did this for a couple of years, then we didn’t do it anymore and the St. Augustine grass took over the ground we had worked so hard to expose the seasons before.  You would think I would never want to do this again, EVER.  But I have kept a vegetable garden in my own yard for over 15 years.  My vegetable garden is quite different from that first one, because it is mine, and because my garden intentions are probably very different than my father’s.  I didn’t make my kids help me, but I think they appreciated my garden and still do.  This is why my garden stays around.

1. It reminds me from where my food really comes.

Once I started growing my own vegetables, I started seeing the food in the produce aisle very differently.  I began to appreciate the irregular shapes and variations in color.  It doesn’t come from a factory and shouldn’t look like it does.  I’ve learned what factors really do affect the quality and taste and I’m not so easily tricked into selecting brightly colored produce that has no flavor.

2. I grow things that are different than what I can find at the local market.

Who knew there were so many different types of radishes with as many variations in flavor?  Or that carrots can be red, purple, or yellow?  I can have spinach almost all year even without flying it in from other countries if I just plant different varieties with differing heat tolerances. Stores carry what they can sell to a lot of people.  I can grow things that are unique for a singular, interesting, and appreciative customer: me!

3. I have surprise gifts waiting for me at home during the growing season.

It’s always exciting to come home to lift a leaf and find that the body snatchers have invaded and left a human sized zucchini behind, or that the flowers I saw a few days before are now turning into peppers.  It’s the garden version of the show Chopped, where the basket ingredients for the night’s meal are selected not by the Food Network judges, but by mother nature.

4. It teaches me that I can feed myself, in more ways than one.

I enjoy so many aspects of putting my garden together:  I learn about so many varieties of heirloom plants, I get to plan for the growing season, I find new recipes, and I watch an entire growing cycle from seed, to plant, through maturity. I pay attention to the weather and adjust to variations every year. And this southern woman is acutely aware of the most probable day of the last frost each year.  These are things I would never see or learn if I only went through the produce aisle.

This year I have three varieties of radishes, five heirloom tomatoes, two beans and bitter melon from an Indian friend, mache, roquette, two types of spinach, French varieties of summer squash and some herbs and alpine strawberries.  Definitely a French flair as we recently spent time in Normandy and came back with new recipes.  This year my garden will extend the experience of that vacation for me.

Do you have plans for planting in the spring?  What will be in your garden this year? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter